Before Matt and I got married, I asked him, "So... would you like for me to take your name? Because if you do, you'll have to tell me." I had just never envisioned myself taking anyone else's last name. Of course now, being in love with someone I am about to marry, I will happily consider changing my mind- he just doesn't ever ask me for very much... And he continued with that trend. He wanted to make sure I had thought of it all, so I wouldn't discover later that I did need to have the same last name as my kids (and we laughed at the idea that both of us could hyphenate...). Beyond my need to be "non-traditional" (this is hardly the only aspect of our wedding that wasn't traditional- but more on that later) and my frustration that not only was I not leaving my family behind, but the Biermans weren't paying the Szymanskis a dowry for my hand either, I figured out WHY I had just always thought I'd be a Szymanski.
For 32 years, a huge part of my identity has been wrapped up in my last name. It all began with my need as an adolescent to be validated- and my siblings are cut from the same cloth as I am. Then, our "Us against the World" stance through the many trials of early (way too early) adulthood gave me the fiercest sense of pride. And while it may be difficult to stomach good-intentioned lumping us all together tendencies (because we are, in fact, all vastly different people), there is a point. There seems to be something very distinct about being a Szymanski. Perhaps it is this way with all families, who knows?
And getting married was not going to change my identity. I was not about to make a massive transition from being single to becoming Somebody's Wife. Matt and I were simply making official what had been unofficial.
I have continued to brood over things like this. I am ridiculously introspective by nature, and there are so many massive things going on in my life. I have used this time to let people know that it is possible to get everything you've ever wanted, and all at the same time. But with a baby coming, a marriage, a new home, settling down, and so much more- is it possible to hold on to those same things that have always made me a Szymanski? Is it even possible for my identity not to change? Who knows? But through sharing, I intend to find out.
I love your blog!! Yes, there is something VERY special about being a Szymanski... as special as being a Ratcliffe..... which I will be 'til the day I die! I raised my children that THEY were a Ratcliffe also, and now I tell my grandchildren the same thing! So, although I changed my name twice for marriage, I am STILL a Ratcliffe. I introduce myself as Kathy Ratcliffe Lang in the Sewickley area. You never give up your maiden name... use it as your middle name. You are a Szymanski through and through and nothing will ever change that!
ReplyDeleteWoah woah woah. Stop the train. Hold up. I KNEW you got married and I know you are pregnant and buying a house --- you never mentioned 'settling down'. What's that all about?!?! :-p
ReplyDeleteLove the blog. Great idea. Here is a link to the one I was telling you about. Another great idea:
http://gratitudeandwellbeing.blogspot.com/2011/01/elizabeth-and-lisa.html
In light of a few things that came up over the last year, I'm starting to posibly rethink the whole name thing... but more like, I want us both to take a different name? See, I'm looking at marriage as being the beginning of starting your own mini-family, with or without children in the picture. The idea is that you now go to your spouse, rather than your parents or siblings (uh, yeah, this is all hugely hypothetical) when you have problems or need to talk things out. Your loyalty is now FIRST to your new mini-family; there's no question of who to side with...
ReplyDeleteSo along with that comes to my mind, shouldn't we have a name for our little family? Erin and Rob Stardust. Erin and Rob Peanutbutter. Erin and Rob Coeur d'Alene? Hahahaaa. Erin and Rob Bradley... eek.